don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
