I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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