five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
