You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
