"it" just moved
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
