I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
