I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
