Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
