Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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