i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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