The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize