I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
