You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i've created a new STD.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
