Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
