Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
