she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
