Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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