And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
