he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
