Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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