Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
