beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
