you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize