Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
