problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
