All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
