Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
whose ass print is on the piano?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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