My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
