i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
