Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
