he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
