I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
