im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
