Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You're like the curious george of whores
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
