had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
