Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
