i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
