I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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