I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
