i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
