My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The air was thick with penises
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
