She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
