you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
