C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize