His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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