i may or may not be watching the land before time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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