Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
