You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
