don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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