Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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