Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
