so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize