She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
