he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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