Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
