Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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