Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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