I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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