watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
