note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
