Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
