My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
