no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They have beer where we have blood.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
