I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
