Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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