Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i barfeds in our rink
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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